toasting

it came to me on the treadmill.
it came in and grew.
and grew and grew.

an understanding that i had been taking way too much for granted.

i guess that thought was trying to surface for a few days now that i look back.
but it finally popped thru a layer so that i could see it while i was exercising.

i realized - or at least partially realized - how short life was.
and how i didn't want to waste it.

i thought of the snow they were calling for that nite.
okay, i thought, if i'm awake and it's snowing, instead of grumbling about it,
i'm gonna sit with it and watch it as if i had never seen snow before. or as if
it was the last snow i'd ever see.

this seemed like a great idea as i had rolled my eyes at the thought of the cold
coming back in yet again.

rolling my eyes about living didn't seem like a good idea.
i liked this idea to be fully present.

wasn't but a couple hours later that it was snowing full force outside.
i was surprised. didn't realize they were expecting any that early.
and i was tickled.

okay, i thought......
and i sat down by my fire by my window with a warm cup of tea
and watched the snow.

i was mesmerized.
it was the big flake kind that fall so softly.
lots of them.
the kind that could hypnotize you if you let it.

i sipped my tea.
it tasted so good.
i felt the warmth.
watched the snow.
and realized how darn lucky i was.

the guys came over for lunch later that day.
i pulled out the sparkling cider and the wine glasses.
'let's toast the snow!'
and we did.

inside, i was also toasting living.
my own private little toast with the world.

things catch us, trip us up, get us mixed up in a craze or a daze,
we get lost and forget that we don't have forever here.
and that what we do have is a gift.
all of it.

i don't know what finally allowed that thought to break thru for me...
but to realize i had been taking my life for granted really hit me.
i don't want to do that.

i really don't.

toasting the snow.
toasting the winter.
toasting the spring soon to follow.
toasting the all.