it's one of those days where i'm trying to get a million things done.
got a list, and checkin' the stuff off as i go.
tryin' to focus and be productive.
but food was calling me.
hot in here.
and cooking just isn't something i want to do.
i've been ignoring the heat and doin' what i gotta do.
but the food?
couldn't be ignored.
so i ran down to grab some produce.
as i walked up to the store, i looked at my image in the glass
that separated the shopping cart area.
it wasn't exactly my best ever outfit.
i really need to think about what i put on.
there was a guy in the cart area.
he turned and looked at me, and i definitely got the feeling
that it looked like i had been staring at him.
i just picked that feeling up and felt sheepish.
no....i had been staring at ME.
when i got up to the cart area, i just saw the back of him.
not a very attractive back side and i thought maybe he was feelin' that
and didn't like the staring.
i'm not kidding.
this is what i thought.
some kinda vibes were definitely there.
and then i ended up behind him in line.
and i saw.
he was........oh gosh....what's the right way to say this?
really really uncomfortable to look at.
i don't know if it was a lifetime of angst and it took over his body,
or if there was a physical thing goin' on.
but i noticed the cashier do a double take.
he didn't see it. he was putting his groceries on the check out thing.
and i realized those vibes i had picked up as i walked in were prolly very real.
i usually make a lotta eye contact when i'm in line. talk to the people around me
a little bit, just smile, that kinda thing.
he would have none of it.
wouldn't look over.
and it occurred to me he may go thru quite a lot of his life like this.
when i was walkin' out to the parking lot, he drove by me in a really rockin'
cool red car. his windows were open and i was gonna smile and say
'awesome car!' but again.......even tho it was an effort NOT to look at me,
and the car? it didn't fit the person at all in my mind.
and i thought about that.
WHO is that person on the inside?
who is he really?
will he ever let anyone know?
and is that why he looks like he does or is it another way around?
i take a whole lotta things for granted.
and i don't think a day goes by where i didn't wish i looked different.
(i know, i'm workin' on that)
but to be 'uncomfortable' to look at -
wow.......what a sad sad thing to carry.
and how much would that change if we could reach from our pain
and smile at someone else? or is impossible to do that one more time?
i watched his car go down the highway and i sent him some light.
and went home realizing just how much i take for granted
and feeling grateful for all i don't even realize i have.