Thursday, September 25, 2014

more on listening

one of my favorite things about my relationship with my partner
is that i have had to learn to open up my mind and listen.

i mean....i've REALLY had to learn this.
and i know i still have a long way to go because in just talking about this with
him last nite, one of his points went right by me and i was brought back to listening
when he said 'you missed it.'

you missed it terri.

oh for pete's sake - i stopped listening in a conversation about listening!

i kid you not.


that's actually good.
cause it keeps me on my toes.
and certainly keeps me from thinking i have this all down.

but i know i'm learning because something amazing is happening -
my world has been opening up like it just couldn't in any other way.
i'm putting down tidy little beliefs i carry around and i'm hearing outside
those limits, and i'm learning things i never made room for before.

i wish i could find a way to articulate this.
i'm 53.
i always thought i was a good listener.
my friends would tell you so.
i think.
i tried to listen to my kids growin' up.
all that.
it's not a new concept.

but now.....with the effort i've been really putting in to make my
relationship good - and this has been goin' on for a lotta years -
i'm aware of it in a deeper way.
and i think because we have such differences, and i can see now, after
a long time together, and a lotta work on hearing each other, i can see
how that's changing both of us.
for the better.
without us even trying to change each other.
we're just naturally growing because we're working on listening,
well, i feel like it's a whole new thing i'm learning.

and i think now i'm seeing results and i find it so exciting.

a whole lot of beliefs and ways of thinking we carry around
really are kinda there just to keep us safe. secure. keep our world manageable.
we forget that they can limit us big time. we forget how much we can grow
if we just put them down for a bit and be open.

we assume so much.
and there's a lotta reasons for those assumptions.
sometimes the topic of conversation is a hot topic.
sometimes we have issues about the topic and that filters everything more than we know.
sometimes just our communication skills go awry and we assume things that aren't there.
sometimes we're not healed in a certain area, and our woundedness keeps us from seeing.
sometimes it's a mixture of all of that and more.
and my gosh, it hinders things so much more than we know.

i know that when i think i have the answers,
there's a certain arrogance about it.
i know the deal, and if you don't agree, you're wrong.

well, yeah, that sucks.
and limits a whole lot.
and certainly has nothing open about it.

but none of us thinks of ourselves as arrogant.
i don't.
but those moments when we let those assumptions run us,
well, there IS arrogance there.
or blindness.
or something i don't want.

how many times do we actually want to listen to another's thoughts
to reach new and different conclusions?

how many times do we go into a conversation wanting to learn something?

how many times do we want to truly grow and change?

i'm thinking not enough.
for me, anyway.
and i want to keep workin' on this.

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