Tuesday, April 21, 2015

a plan

i was having a conversation about fully living the other day.
i'm good at diving into moments and delighting in them and that kinda thing.
and yeah, it's nice to see where i do good.
but where is it i stumble?
where is it i can strengthen to help the whole living full stuff.

well, that wasn't too hard to find!

where i get in trouble is when i react to someone around me.

maybe someone around me isn't diving into those moments with me.
maybe they're not caring about those moments.
or maybe they're short with me or something that doesn't fit what i'm feeling.

that's when i get into trouble.

doesn't matter who it is........it's how i react.

i can go down a number of different paths -
i can question what i've done, was i in the way?
that's a big one for me. that comes up pretty darn quickly.
i can question why it is that they're missing something so wonderful.
i can question this and i can question that.
and pretty soon.....i've lost the living fully and have landed into a sea of doubt.

it's amazing how i can create self-doubt out of most anything.

that's where i get in trouble - my reactions to those not reacting in a way that
feels right to me.

laughing here.
and i can so obviously see that if i just concentrate on me
and my own stuff, and let everyone else react to life any ol' way they want,
well, then, i can go about my business of living fully.

a no-brainer yes.
but way easier said than done for me.

i like seeing it tho.
i'm seeing it clearly.

i react.
a lotta times i just react.

and there's some great quote about that that i can't remember......
something about living and not reacting.
too bad i can't remember 'cause it'd fit great here.

but you get the idea.
to live fully you can't be reacting to everyone around you.
you gotta live fully.

and that's where i stumble.
so i'll be watching that now.......
and i think to recover i just need to go dive in again.
to know i'm being distracted and get back to focusing fully on living.
i have to actually put all that doubt down and go dive back into life.

maybe i could say i have a plan -
i'll be reacting to my reacting.


margy said...

Most simply . . . thank you for your most honest and honoring thoughts. I really want to 'react to my reactions' also - I so spend way too much of my life reacting to others, worrying about how they feel and giving them more importance than my own spirit. Thank you for your words and your courage in living dear terri.

terri st. cloud said...

we can cheer each other on, margy!
can't you just picture that? pom poms chanting d-o-n-t R-E-A-C-T! :)