happy birthday!

okay, so i wasn't gonna post today.
not usually around on saturdays and well, i got some good goofin' to do today.
but i had to come by cause i've been just so filled with a thought and i wanted to share.

birthdays -
i've always used them as a great excuse to be festive and fun.
i like to celebrate. i love holidays.
so you know, what's better than your very own holiday???
so yeah, i've always been partial to them.
so partial, that i turn birthDAYS into birthMONTHS.

but this year, well, i really am hit with it all from a different angle.
there have been years i've lost people and when my birthday rolls around,
i feel very grateful to be here. that always seems to be magnified by loss.

but this year, i got hit a bit deeper with that, i think.
maybe because the loss was so recent,
maybe because the loss was a friend who was a mom to kids my kids' age.
maybe cause i'm getting older.
who knows.....

but this year i understand in a really deep way how lucky i am to be here.
i understand how much i have and what an incredible life i live.
for a few months now i have really tried to focus on what i DO have and
not what i don't have. and you know, there's been more magic to that than
i realized. and i can feel it now, today, in my birthday.

today has turned into something so much more for me.
it's one big gigantic thank you to the universe day.
kinda like my own personal thanksgiving!
i am so grateful to be here and to be learning and to be growing
and to be moved in a thousand different ways.
even all that stuff that's not so fun feels like something to be really
grateful for today.

i say it a lot - we don't have to be here.
it's a gift.

today i'm feelin' it with my whole heart.
and i'm bowing down to something so much bigger than me that
i'll never understand, yet some part of me will always know.
and i'm holdin' gratitude so much so that i just may burst!

happy birthday to me, to you, to everyone!
and to those we're missing today - you are held with love and shining
here with us. i can feel it.