your words matter

i haven't done one of those 'balls of strings' blogs in a long time.
one of those posts that ties in strings from here, there and everywhere.
but today feels right for just such a thing.

we'll start with this string -
i've been thinking a lot about my life, what i'm doin' with it, how i'm living it,
and where i want to go with it. living with heart, offering my heart, and opening my
heart all come to the surface when i do this pondering.

DOING something for the world has been a strong string wrapping around things lately.
it's my emotional response to the darkness that i read about in the news. the deep
desire to DO something to counter the dark.

bone sigh arts is a big ol' string all in itself. it is my job, yet winds around every
part of my life. growing the business is on my mind. marketing is on my mind.
as well as listening to my heart, following my inner guidance, trusting the process,
and holding integrity.

you guys are a constant string. your presence, your stories, your struggles, your
triumphs fill my days. some days more than others.......lately it's been a lot. lately
you've been a big ol' string in this ball of strings i'm rollin' around.

so then something really nice happens. elizabeth gilbert, a best selling author, and
a woman i truly admire, shares an image i made with one of my quotes on facebook.
bam! lots and lots of people see it because of her huge presence.

i find out thru friends sharing it on my own facebook wall.
they're delighted for me.
and they're delight delights me.

i am excited because she is such a big name and it is great for exposure. i tell my
family with great glee. it's not lost on me that this is a really cool thing.

but then....i start to get a little uncomfortable. people are so excited that my work
has come to her attention, or at least enough for her to spread an image of mine.
i totally understand that they are delighted for me because of the exposure and the
'nod' that it is.

so here's a string of good things. it's a good good thing she shared it. it's a good good
thing my friends care. that's a good string.

but there's this other string that twists around it a bit. i get to wondering if it's right
that this should be such good news. because in all honesty, i have no idea if ms. gilbert
just thought it was nice and something good to share or if it moved her. but i do know
from private notes from people who will never be famous that this quote or another
quote truly mattered to them.

i've had my breath taken away from people i don't know who tell me what the quotes
have meant to them, the places they've brought them to get thru trials that they didn't
know they could get thru, the healing that the quotes have touched on, the insights that
the quotes have sparked. the wounds that have been touched.

stuff that makes me bow my head with respect, gratitude and awe.

they share my images on facebook too.

it humbles me in a way i will never be able to put into words. and it honors me deeply.

so then all the strings that i've been chewin' on lately ball together. and i get muddled.

i've argued with myself over the discomfort i've been feeling about the excitement
over ms. gilbert's posting. one doesn't negate the other. both can be exciting. both are
truly a gift. there's no conflict here, terri.

and yes.
i believe that.
and with all my heart i'm incredibly grateful.
but the strings whirling inside of me -
the were pulling on me somehow -
and somehow without me really understanding how -
i felt like it all went together.

there was such a part of me that needed to shout out to the world that all the
people who have been touched by the bone sighs and have spread them around
and have used them for their own healing journey - you guys matter so deeply to me.
you guys have changed my life. it doesn't matter that you're not famous. your
courage and strength are so inspiring. you are famous to me.

and so i've been telling myself it's balance.
love it all, respect it all, enjoy it all.
but don't get lost in numbers of likes or numbers of compliments.
hold the knowing that offering who you are is what you believe in.
and whatever happens from there happens.

as i was thinking about all this i got a note.
one of those notes that hits deep. one of those notes that reminds me
to keep going no matter what. and one of those notes that's an affirmation
of the universe.....

it was from someone who found my quote thru elizabeth gilbert
and she told me what it meant to her.

bam.
i felt like the universe just told me -
it's balance terri.
and it's good stuff.
and it's so much to be grateful for.
forget the numbers, listen to the hearts,
and rejoice in this journey you've been given.

this woman ended her note telling me my words matter.
and i realized that's what i wanted to say - YOUR words matter.
THANK YOU for all you have offered me.