celebratin' life........

headin' to a 'celebrate life' gathering today.....
a friend has made it thru chemo and wants to celebrate.
i'm gonna be there with bells on, and let her know that
i'm celebratin' her being here! what an absolute joy!!

at the same time, in the back of my mind, quietly, all by myself,
i'm gonna be thinking about dyin'.

i'm not gonna bring that up as it's the opposite that we're celebratin.
and i know no one wants to even think the d word today.

i'm learnin' more and more tho that to hold one, ya gotta hold the other.

and this darn death stuff is so hard for me to hold.
i can just never find the right time, the safe time, the comfortable time.
i know this celebration isn't it.
i can't think of death with my friend, because i love her too much,
and she's makin' it thru, and i gotta hold that with all i can.
i can't think of death with me, cause i got too much to do and it's too
darn scary.
death of my partner? don't even go there.
my kids? i'll kick you in the face for even suggesting it.......

hmmmmmmmm..........doesn't sound like i have too good a grasp on
the cycle of life, does it?!

how can you really hold one side and not the other?
that's what i've been doin' forever......
and that's not honest.
and i'm thinking that i want to hold the whole deal.
i want honest.
honest is looking at everything.

so, to honor my friend's living, i'm gonna try to start today.
you can't REALLY honor someone's life by fakin' it, can
ya? if you REALLY want to honor something....i'm thinking
it's gotta be authentic, honest, whole. no ignoring stuff. no faking
stuff.

and i don't know how......
but i'm thinking i know how to start.......
i can put it in my mind, i can begin to open to it, and i can
start walkin' thru shadows i never wanted to walk thru before.

i can touch the fear and tell it i want to learn...

i'll be bringing her flowers and a few silly, joyful presents to
celebrate today, but what i'll mostly be bringing, she'll never
even know about......

it's not about me bringing her anything, tho, is it?
it's about her presence making me want to be more.
her presence helping me grow towards wholeness.........

and i can't think of a better way to celebrate someone's life!