growin' old...

i think i figured out what old is.

maybe old is when you stop learning...and you tell yourself
that's a good thing. when the comfortable ways are always the
better ways, and you have no desire to get out of your comfort
zone. and you think that's an admirable way to be. you actually
brag about that.

and maybe old is when people allow you to be that way and don't
challenge you.
woe.

maybe that's the worst part.
what is that sayin' when people don't challenge you?
woe.

well, i've been thinking about that on and off for a little bit now....
hadn't applied that to myself as mygosh, i'm so busy tryin' to hang
on learnin' stuff that it never occurred to me that i was doin' that.

hmmmmm....or am i?

granted i went out and finally learned how to parallel park yesterday.
and i am learning what all the different cars are and a few computer
terms........there's always plumbing and house fix it stuff i'm tryin'
to learn. i was sure it didn't apply.

while i find plumbing and car stuff and computer stuff terribly
challenging to my brain.......what is it that i really need to learn???

i need to relearn so many of my reactions to things!!!!!
and THAT'S where i get lazy, and like my comfort zone!!
relearning the internal stuff is where i get lost.....

i turn 47 on friday. i can't believe i've got that many numbers behind me!
and i'm startin to think about being old.....
and i just don't want to be old and tellin' people i have no interest in
learning anything new. i want to learn to sculpt, and to do pottery
and play a guitar, and sing, and so many things......

but i'm thinking what i really need to do is relearn my reactions
to life.

i'm thinking that's where my greatest challenges lie.......
and i'm thinking if i wait til i'm 80, i'm sunk.
time to start is today.......so when i'm 80, life won't be about being
safe.....it will be about being free.
life won't be about enduring...it will be about truly living.

i'm likin' this...
something to think about during birthday week here.....