honesty and mist

honesty

one heck of a word.

and not as obvious as i thought.
i thought if you just weren't lyin' all over the place,
you were basically honest.
a white lie here or there....okay......but you were
basically honest if you were mindful of tryin' to
tell the truth.

well.....somewhere along the way i got a much deeper
view of the whole thing.

and i figured out being honest was one of the hardest
things to do in the world. makes it to the top five hardest
things list, i think.

cause the main part that we skim over is the being honest
with ourselves part. ah yes.......we fly over that thought.
of course we are.

hmmm.......i'm thinking that's worth a deeper look.

even if you WANT to be....do you know HOW to be??

personally, i can trick myself like a master magician.
i can make myself believe stuff that just isn't true. i can
create my own reality, weave a web of denial, and paint
with colors that aren't there like a pro.

and it's THERE that i have to learn how to be honest.
because if you've got it there, then you've got the strength
to have it everywhere.

i just saw it flash right before my eyes.
someone not being honest with someone else, and hurting
them in the process. having done this myself, i know the
intentions can be good. not wanting to hurt, trying to make
things okay......that kinda thing. but the outcome sucks.
and the whole method needs to be dropped.

but can it be dropped without that inner work? without
figurin' out where you're trickin' yourself? i'm thinking it
can't. i'm thinking that if you really want to be honest....
then it's the whole shabang......the deep down stuff too.

i'm watchin' someone who can't go there. and in a way,
that's really helpful. because i can see their fears......and i can
see that their fears are part of the game. and that the fears
have a good chance of winning....

and funny, i can see their fears as just made up mist.
easy to see THEIR'S that way. helpful for me to take that
and turn towards mine.

i'm thinking that in the depths of honesty is that swirling pool
of love. and i want to find that place....
when it's all over, i don't want to say the fears won. ya know?
i want to be swimming in that pool.......