my first thought today......

there are some beliefs about life i picked up
really young that are just really wrong...but
i didn't know....and now they're seeped in my bones.

tryin' to get them out is tough.....

things like......people come into your life and stay.

or life is constant, steady.

or you work at things to make them good...create the
white picket fence kinda life and you're set. happily
ever after. that kinda thing.

and of course 'good always wins.'

if you've got those things in your bones, it can create
havoc with your system.

at least it does with mine.

someone asked me last nite in a joking kinda way 'what is
it you're not saying terri? what truth are you not speaking?'

well, his cute little question was the first thing in my head
as i opened my eyes this morning.

and i knew what it was.
it was easy because i've already told myself i don't want to
say it out loud.

one thing i did right, was i didn't fight it. i just lay there
and looked at it. didn't want it, but looked at it anyway. still
don't want to say it out loud.

why would i?
why do you have to say something out loud that will come anyway
and will speak for itself?

maybe tho, speaking it out loud will release some of the pressure
inside me. maybe it will help me to share it with someone.....

and why the heck is that??
why does that help??

well, i actually 'wrote it out loud' yesterday....
that's a start.
think i'll leave it there for now.

but something i just don't get......HOW did i ever get those
wrong beliefs stuck in my bones??? and is that part of the reason
that things i can't say out loud bother me so much???

and maybe getting those wrong beliefs out is the wrong focus...
maybe getting the correct beliefs in is what i need to focus on.
because if they settle into my bones, the others will just have to
move on over....and out.....

life IS change.
life IS flow.
there is nothing stagnant about it.
people come in for a time, and then they go.
there is no happily ever after...but there are some deeply
happy times on the journey filled with all kindsa emotions.
the good things you share with people never die......people
do......but those things don't. and THAT'S what you can hold
on to.
good doesn't always win......but good CAN move mountains, love
CAN change things...and good touches in ways you can't know.
and thru it all, the only way to survive is to be able to release
your grasp.

release your grasp. and flow.