Monday, August 25, 2008

more terri's on the road

i walked today and called out some of my inner terri's.
two in particular. a young part of myself, and a teen
part of myself.

where do you spose those selves really go? do they ever
really leave us? i just can't figure how it works. i honestly
don't feel like they leave us. and when i walk and go to them,
it feels so easy to go there. i figure it's all prolly just
a fantastic imagination game that works wonders for me....
and at the same time...i just kinda get curious about it all.

i had to have a talk with myself. i was looking outside myself
once again for answers. and once again i needed to go inward.

i didn't want to at first.
i walked and told myself...okay....do you want to just wallow
here or do you want to get somewhere???

okay.
okay.
i won't wallow.
but where do we get?
how do we get there???

and ya know, it's funny......
the minute i put the wallowing down, things start to happen.
different parts of me join me, surround me, and i have help.
i saw those parts today and saw their beauty.
i really really saw their beauty.
and they never did as they were growing up.
i was so delighted to be able to see it and offer it to them.

and then.......and then.......
a very special part of myself turned to me and offered me
the same gift. she said she would show me my beauty that
i can't see.

the tears rolled down my face.

i tried to see myself thru her eyes.
vague.
very vague.
but a start.
i think a pretty good place to start.

funny. i don't look insane when i walk....
but as i type it out, i know i sound it.

don't care.
doesn't matter.
what matters is that it's all there for me for
the taking......

i just have to take it.
and if i don't, then i need to be honest enough
to understand why not.....

and so i reach out....and try again.

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