a really incredible mood

i'm havin' the best profound mood come over me....
i guess it's sparked on by emotional exhaustion.
i don't know.
but i love it.
the best part of it is that the things i find funny
seem even funnier. belly laughing funny.
mix that in with a lotta ohhhin' over life and it's
really quite wonderful. i feel like i'm walkin' in my
own little tunnel with my own little show in front of me.

i've been thinking a lot about where i've been the
last few years. some of the 'hits' i've taken and how
they've affected me.

i thought that i had pretty much worked thru a lot of
it and had it 'under control.'
but i'm thinking that's been a bit of a problem.
the 'under control' stuff.

the knowing there is no control was just too scary under
the circumstances, and so i've been workin' hard to not
look there. for a long time now.

you can't live like that for a long time and not have your
life change. you just can't.

the 'you've got no control baby ' place is not only where
i need to look again. it's the place where i need to live.

i've lived there before.
and now i sit here and scratch my head.
how did i wander away?

oh.
yeah.
i think of something.
yeah, that made me wander.
oh. yeah.
that too.
i wandered off a little more there.
oh. yeah.
i see.......

i don't think i fully saw until today.

i wandered right out of the flow.
huh.
go figure.

i've touched pieces of it here and there and
thought i was okay.

yeah, well,
not.

lucky for me it doesn't take years to wander
back. all it takes is one good profound day where
i can push my heart right back where it needs to sit.

i just visualized that....
i've got both hands against a giant sized heart, bigger
than me and i'm leanin' into it pushin' hard.

it's not a little thing to do.
i think one needs the correct mood.

and one needs to know when the universe hands that mood
to them.

lean......lean hard....push. puuuuushhhhhhhh...........