giving freely and honestly

what would i have asked from him if i could
have anything?

anything?
okay.
anything and everything?
okay.
let's go hog wild.

i would ask that he lit up longer than a split
second when we walked into the room. i would ask
that his eyes lit up long enough that they stayed
lit as they offered us seats and welcomed us.

ah yes. offered us seats and welcomed us.
that would be hospitality.
i would ask for hospitality.
you know, i'd even go wild enough to ask for him
to have hobbled down stairs and purchased a box
of crackers to have for us when we arrived.
wow.
i hadn't thought of anything that extravagant.
but yeah....something beyond himself. and extending
of himself. yeah.i'd ask for that.

i would ask for interest in us. for interest that
was alive and curious and free and happy and real.
okay. happy is pushing it. i wouldn't ask for happy.
but something real.

i would ask for interest in life around us that was
the same kinda interest....real.

i would ask for honesty in reports on the pain mixed
in with some thoughts on handling the aging process.

i would ask for thoughts and feelings that were real.

i would ask for vision in seeing who we were and how
the trip affected us. especially how it was all affecting
his son. again...an extending of himself.

on and on it goes.
and why?
why am i figurin' this out?
because i think if we had all of this, i would have come
home and said i was with someone who truly had learned how
to live,had learned what mattered, and was
going out with a bang.

that's what i want for me.
i want to learn how to truly live, i want to know what
matters, and i want to go out with a bang.

if i can see what i would have wanted from this elderly
man.....i can see what it is i want to be able to offer
when i hit that part of the journey.

i want to see what it is that i think means you've owned
your soul.

and thru this partial list here, i see something huge....
the ability to give and give freely and honestly that matters
a ton.

there's yet another piece to it all.