pretendin'

i had an icky dream. it totally fit in with
the struggle i was havin' last nite. i knew it and
decided to take a walk with it.

so i walked. but my foot hurt. don't know why.
hadn't done anything to hurt my foot. interesting.
the icky dream had to do with a foot. hmmmm.....
even more interesting.

so i walked and tried to get somewhere.

i got nowhere.
all i got was i felt like a kid.
it was the oddest thing.
i was walkin' funny cause of my foot. and slower.

and i have no idea why, but that made me feel like
a kid. and i thought about how i'm still just that
same kid in an older body....same kid. same heart.

a couple walked by and didn't say hi. that's odd.
how can you walk right by on the other side of the
street and not say hi? i looked at them, waited for
them to look over. nope. i didn't intrude, just walked
by feelin' like a kid.

a neighbor guy went to his mailbox as i walked by.
i just know him from brief hello's. he usually gives
little eye contact.

i wanted eye contact this morning. so i stared at him
til he gave me some.
grin.
first time i really looked at his eyes. they're moon
shaped like mine.

and i walked on feelin' like a kid.

what's with this feelin' i asked myself.

i think i just kicked into kid mode cause i want everything
to be okay. i just want everyone to be okay and everything
to be okay. and it's not. so i pretended a bit.

it was either that or cry.
and apparently i'm just not ready to cry.