changes

ohmygosh!
my trip's canceled!
snow!

josh came home last nite and told me
he doubted i'd be goin'....
we checked the weather.
i kept thinking 'i really can't...but....'
'terri, you can't go, you know you can't
go, what are you goin' back and forth about?!'

i just didn't want to cancel.
showered, tried to be reasonable about it...
okay. will go do a final check.

and there she was.
SHE canceled!
boy that helped me out.
i just didn't want to be the one to do it.

i called her.

we were all so dumb.
we shoulda done it last nite!
none of us were thinking. we all thought
today and tonite...

no.
of course not.
last nite.
last nite was the nite she died.
we just didn't know until today.
we found out today.

i don't know how that got by every single
one of us. but it did.
maybe it had to....
maybe it just had to....

so she told me about her nite....
and she told me she was okay now.
she was on safe ground now.
she made it thru.

and we talked about the process of
making it thru....

it's been one heck of a year.

she made it thru last nite.
she made it thru last year.

what a journey.

and the day opens up and changes for me.

and now....i turn to someone else who's day
is really hard today.
already called her......she's sick.
of course.
she was headin' back to bed.
if she's up for it, i'll visit later.
if not, i'll do a phone visit.

her pain also centered around a death.
both deaths significant to me.
way signficant.

and somewhere today i will take the time
to touch my own pain about these deaths.
sometime today i'll give myself what i'm
giving these others....some love.

i know to do that now.

what a journey.