tomorrow....

headin' out tomorrow to go be with them.
distract them. laugh with them. be silent
with them. just be with them.
they don't want to think about it or cry
about it or remember it. my job is to
distract.

it's the year anniversary of their daughter's
death. i can't get it off my mind. it's been
up front for days and days.

and yet tomorrow, i need to pretend it doesn't
exist.

life is so odd.

but that's what they need. and this one isn't
about me. so i'll go distract.
and i'll stay the nite and sit up late and
talk and play cards and hang out in my jammies.

and then i'll drive home.

it's the drive i'm looking forward to. all by
myself for hours and hours both ways.

i need it.
i need the time alone.
i need the time to think.
i need the time to hold their daughter close
in my heart and remember.

someone needs to remember tomorrow.
they will when they can. they will at some point.
but until then....i will do it for them.
no.
not for them.
for her.

i will do it for her.

i so wish i coulda done what she needed when
she was here....i still question if i coulda.
that will forever haunt me.

and so, i sit and think tonite....
and i think of all that i hold precious.
and all that i can do now.

i just let my guy know what a treasure he is.
i really tried to let him know.

can i let you know? most of you who read this
silly thing are friends. friends who reach out
with love and support.....friends who color
my world beautiful. friends that i hold precious.

and now...onto my kids.... a few good punches
and tellin' them how much i love them....

i've seen something real clearly today....
i am surrounded with incredible love.
and i understand how important that is.

i am going to hold that on this trip of mine.....
and i'm going to hold their daughter.

maybe that makes a difference far away somewhere
that i don't even know about....somewhere where
maybe she is....