woe ho ho ho ho!

he started it, and i can't wait to tell him!
he says to me this morning 'tell me how your
monsters are.'

it was that asking that made me take that
question on my walk. i was so tickled he asked.
he used to stand back with this kinda scared
look on his face when i'd talk about things...
now, even tho he doesn't work this way, he'll
speak my language to me. i love that.

so i started out loving him and grinnin' at
his question....but then it turned into a whole
lot more!!!

hang on......this could be a really really really
big one.....

how WERE my monsters?!

i did a visual....
went and visualized my worst monster.
the thing inside me that feels the deepest,darkest,
scariest.
that right off is hard for me to do.
cause i have to go there to do that....
i just went to the edges. and visualized what it would
look like in monster form.

did pretty good as my stomach got a little sick.

AND THEN....
i had a little, tiny terri girl stand in front of it.

ohhhhhh......
wow.

i gotta say, it was a stroke of genius or some very
good luck OR maybe a nudge from the universe!!!

cause, this little tiny terri girl melts my heart.
i honestly do love that little girl. she's so precious.
i honestly just see goodness in her.

and there she stood.
and there it stood.

oh ho ho ho ho.

i can't tell ya the rest. it's just too corny.
everyone would roll their eyes.
let's just say......i traveled miles today inside
myself and finding a way to love my parts.

BUT!
THAT'S NOT EVEN THE BIGGEST NEWS!!!!
AND THAT'S HUGE NEWS RIGHT THERE!!!

i haven't thought this all the way thru.
i really hope it's true. cause i'm so darn excited
about it.

there i am lost in this visual, melting my insides...
when bam! i'm knocked flat on my back with the most
amazing thought!

i've been grieving the loss of the belief that love
wins out. talked about this many times....it's been
a really hard thing for me to hold....that it doesn't.
that bad wins too and that love can't cure everything.

well.....hold on to your hat, ter!

WHAT IF IT CAN INSIDE OF YOU?!

oh.my.gosh.
flat on my back!

what?!

what if all your demons can be tamed with it?
what if all the wars and struggles inside yourself
can be calmed with it? what if everything changes
with it?!

self love.

shoot.
that darn self love.
but it seems so exciting this morning.

there's little terri....and she is love. she is goodness.
and she's facing my worst fear....and my worst fear is
putty in her hands.

ohmygosh.

what if little terri....what if the good part of me, the
love part of me, the pure part of me....what if that part
can touch the other parts?????

the dark parts???

does that mean love CAN change everything?
does that mean the good does win out?!
does that mean that i can hold that belief back in some
way and it really is true?!

and if it is true....who am i not to try?
i have got to try.
i've got to.

which means.....delving deep into self love and
facing all those darn demons.

but suddenly it seems kinda exciting!

um.
WAY exciting!