cut out for this stuff???

relationships are on my mind tonite.

man, they're hard.
i don't know what i was thinking when i was
younger, but i honestly had no idea how hard
they were!

and then i got in a few, and yeah, i started
to figure it out! but i still didn't know.
i don't think it was til my marriage fell apart
that i really started to get it!

it wasn't until i swore i'd make my next relationship
healthy that i really figured out the work involved!

i gotta say at the moment, my guy and i are
smooth and doin' okay.

this isn't about my struggles with him tonite!

i'm just thinking about them in general.

honestly?
sometimes i just don't think i'm cut out for them.

seriously.

sometimes i just don't think that i can do it.

and then i think about it.

my guy has this theory....he says that we NEED relationships
to complete ourselves, to find out about ourselves, to see
ourselves.....he totally believes it. and he works hard at
ours.

i think he's gotta be right.
i just don't hop up and down at the idea because i think
somewhere deep down i just wonder if i can really pull it off.

i mean REALLY pull it off.
really really.

deeply.
for real.
honestly.

cause to do that.......you gotta look hard at yourself.
you gotta reach beyond yourself for real. you gotta reach
and extend and grow and all that stuff.

and sometimes i just wanna go off on an island all by myself
and watch the ocean.

but whenever i think that thru, i realize his darn theory
is prolly right. we need relationships.

all the buttons and the baggage that two people bring in to
it all.....shoot, that doesn't help much either, does it?

we were just talkin' about how our weaknesses blend so well
together at times and create havoc really easily.

terrific.

at the same time, our strengths blend really well and
create things that are wonderful.

it's all where you focus, i guess.
always seems to be that darn focus stuff.

i hope that when i'm all done and layin' there reflecting
my life...i hope that i will have lost the feeling that
i'm not cut out for relationships, and i will have grown
into the belief that not only was i cut out for them,
but i did really good in this one.