enough

boy i'm tired.
beat.
but wanted to write this out while it was in me.

my guy and i face yet another time challenge in
our relationship. it's gonna hurt a bit and take
a chunk outta time we consider sacred between us.

but it's needed and we both understand. altho,
neither of us is too thrilled about it.

today was the first hit that we felt.

i think maybe cause it's holiday time too, that
it all really got to me. we see way too little
of each other.

i was struggling big time.
it's a bit like being a yo yo.
open your heart wide and love with all you have.
close down your heart and live the rest of your life
not missing him....

up down up down.
open close open close.

it affected me a lot today.

he was really patient. it was bothering him too so
we could talk a bit about it.
at the same time, there's other hurdles that complicate
the whole thing.

it has never been an easy journey, that's for sure.

i was so mixed up and confused today....
needing him and then not wanting to need him...
frustration...the whole deal.

then somewhere along the way i got a hold of myself
and figured it is what it is and we make it what we
make it.

we talked of that.
we both know we've got more than most anyone can ask
for. we really have something incredible between us.
we both know how lucky we are.
and we both know it's up to us to make it good.

i got up all enthused after bein' pretty blue.
let's go get some snacks and celebrate!

'what are we celebratin'?!' the guys asked......

'that there's enough!' i told them.

there's enough time.
there's enough love.
there's enough money.
there's enough of everything.

we went out and got some goofy drinks with great
titles that were symbolic.

we came home and i poured them all into wine glasses,
mixing the symbolic liquids together.

and then we all toasted life.

afterwards, we all sat around the living room chatting.
i curled in close, his arms around me...

i could feel his strength and his warmth thru his
arms...

and i knew that we did good turning some blue energy
into a party....

i focused on that and knew there'd be enough always.