fluid like or stuck?

i watched her a lot yesterday.
we were all busy tryin' to help
them with stuff....
but the whole time i paid attention.

i'd swoop in and help, or i'd go away
and give some space. and i'd watch.

we only got a little talking in...
the real talking.

we started talking about death.
someone significant in her life just
died and she'd be headin' down to
the funeral. we got interrupted.

she looked at me later over whatever
it was we were workin' on and said
'you know, we're not done with that
conversation, right?'

and we talked of her health....
again got interrupted. talked just long
enough to hear her discouraging news.

i watched.
and i saw a lot.

i saw a lot of internal fighting.
fighting with life.
she's a fighter.
thank god she is one too because i don't
think she'd be here if she hadn't been.

but i'm wonderin now....
maybe the time has come to not fight anymore
and to shift gears.
not sure.
just a feelin' i had.

but how would she do that?
i'm pretty sure she identifies herself
as the fighter.
and i'm pretty sure the fighter has kept
her alive.
something deep inside me tho is thinking
that very same fighter that once saved her
might be the thing that does her in now.

and so i sit and wonder....
who is it we think we are?
who is it we identify with inside us?
and do we get stuck there?
if we're fluid like and changing constantly,
is it a deadly mistake to get stuck in one
perspective?

which one am i stuck in?
and how do you know when it's time to change?

and why is it that it takes so much courage
to change?

just some thoughts on my monday morning......