grateful part one

when i gather myself to do this....the thanks thing...
i think of the year.
and that means goin' back to january.

and when i do that, wow....i see what a long road it's
been since january.

there was a lotta darkness in my life then.
someone close to me had died and people very close
to me were grieving hard....

i hated it then. i hated the whole situation. and
i struggled big time. i hung a word print over my
desk. 'acceptance.' and i struggled so hard to find
that. i kept wondering how in the world i'd ever find
acceptance.......and i kept staring at that word print.
and i honestly thought i'd never get it.

here i sit in november thinking maybe i found some big
pieces of acceptance. i don't think i have it all down.
that's a given with me. i only seem to get pieces....
but i think i got some pretty big chunks. way more than
i ever thought i could find.

it wasn't just with that happening in my life. the year
has actually been full of 'acceptance challenges' and
i'm thinking if we actually do get certain lessons taught
to us...this one has been my 2008 lesson.

i know i'll get many more in that department. but i'm
struck with that this morning....

and the funny thing? i wanted it so badly, had no idea how
to get it, struggled so hard with it....and somehow, quietly,
it slipped in the back door and sat in my bones waiting for
me to notice it had entered.

is that how it always works?!

so, the first thing that comes to my mind in giving thanks
this year is being grateful for the challenges.

wow.
go figure.
i wouldn't have said that as i went thru them...
but yeah....i am.

to my challenges this year....i bow down to you
and thank you.