gratitude middle school

that last post has me thinking.

i have these vague beliefs or thoughts or
pieces of thoughts....things i just know
in my heart.

one is on gratitude.

i believe it's as powerful as love and overlooked
a ton. i believe it's a force that is beyond our
understanding.

i believe that.

sometimes i watch when i don't have it.
it's like i'm not alive.
the zest is gone.
and i don't know how to get it back.

i've wondered about that.
i've tried things like listing how good i have it
or whatever.

that's just too forced.
doesn't work for me.

but ya know what?
i never thought of this til just now......

it's the different angles of gratitude!
there's different ways of looking at it.

so, it's not so simple like you have to count
your blessings.

sometimes you're just not in a spot to do that.

it doesn't have to be so elementary.
i've been in gratitude elementary school.

it's time to step up to middle school.

if you step to the side, tilt your head a little
bit, squint over towards the sun....
well then maybe you can see it a little different.

and you can find something to be honestly grateful
for.

i think i could always do that if i didn't feel like
i had to give a list of my blessings.

i think i could always do that.

like now.
the post below.
i'm not feelin' totally grateful for my feelings
of fear i'm havin'. okay, i'm not feeling grateful
at all. and it does take a zest outta things.
but there's a belief i have that i can hang on to.
and for THAT i can honestly feel grateful for.

it's like a rope i've got while i'm down in a
ditch.

i'm not exactly grateful for the ditch or for fallin'
into the ditch. and i'm not exactly grateful for all
the effort it'll take to pull myself up on this rope.

but the rope!
oh yes!
THAT i'm grateful for!

there's always got to be something.
even if it's a tiny seed.

and maybe that's all i need to find sometimes.

now, will i always want to find it?
no.
but that's my choice isn't it?

i can choose to put the effort in to make my
life magically zestful or i can choose to be
a zombie at times.

up to me.

but if i want it....it's always there in some form.....

just up to me.