seeing......

this whole concept of seein' each other fascinates
me. how do we see each other and what makes all
that work??

he was sittin' up in his hospital bed. i was in
a chair at the bottom of the bed. we were chatting.

he stared at me.......it wasn't exactly a glare...
but it wasn't exactly warm and cozy either.
there's a pause and then he says:
'i don't understand why you fascinate him so.'

hmmmm.....
he wasn't talking about his son or i might have
taken offense. he was talking about the elderly
uncle. the elderly uncle who has taken a shine to me.

he just sat there starin' at me. like he was tryin'
to find the reason. okay...so it's prolly not her
hair color or her great sense of humor......

i stared back at him.
'it's because i love him. no one's ever loved him
before, and i showed him love. people need that.'

i wondered if it would sink in.
if we'd go anywhere with it.
maybe we could talk about caring about each other.

nah.
he looked at his son. 'did you know him?'

what?? his son was confused.
when you were younger, did you know him?

'no, i was afraid of him.'

i laughed and said there were so many great things
about him. and no one knew. i laughed...but my
insides hurt. how sad.

why can't he see? why won't he look?
does he not know how?

later he convinced me he DOES know how.

he waited until i left the room before he landed
into his son with some pretty crummy accusations.
stuff that if i heard, i woulda stopped everything
and corrected and insisted we examine what was
goin' on.

he knew that. so he waited til i left.

he knew that.
he could see that.

he can see.
it's just what he chooses to see.

how fascinating.......

what makes us see?
what motivates us to see?
what stops the seeing?
what clouds the seeing?
how much control do we have on removing
the clouds?

and why is it we don't?
do we really think that's better???

hmmmmmm.......
he's convinced me i want to work harder
on that one!