blind trust...

he made some god joke at the end and used
the word 'he' i corrected with the 'she'
word, never meaning it at all...just playin'
with him.

funny how we joked about god....

he's an enthusiastic, youthful atheist,
with all the vigor and belief of a young
man who knows the answers.

i'm a believer in more, but in an odd way,
with all the bumblings of someone who's lived
too long to know any of the answers.

we shared a moment last nite.
he never felt anything more than the presence
of us and the crowd around us.

i never felt anything less than something
bigger all around us constantly.

probably doesn't matter which is true...
probably matters which helps you grow more.

i just found it kinda interesting.

i thought of prayer. the act of asking for
help. do you get help? or is it the act of
listening and being aware that's the help?

i'm thinking the help is always there......
it's the act of tuning into it that brings it
out.

where is the help located? outside of you?
inside of you? in some sort of flow that you
step into?

i never knew much of anything except feelings.
and i've heard those aren't to be trusted, and
those aren't who you really are.

and all i've got is the feeling of when i touch
something beyond me. of when i step into a flow
around me.....

doesn't buy me much in a way of a belief i can
write out on paper. it just gives me something
i can tune into and work with.

i want to do that more.

maybe concentrate less on knowing what it all
means, and more on living what i can feel. ya
know?

huh.
that would be kinda like blind trust, wouldn't it?

i used to think that was a bad thing.
now i'm kinda thinkin' it's a vital thing.....

more and more i want to learn blind trust.
and more and more i see how far i have to go......

new year's is comin' up tho.....
and it's time for resolutions.
i can just imagine my dad's look of horror if he
were here. he was the one who'd get the clip board
out and list the things to do for the new year.

guaranteed.....'blind trust' would never have made
the list!

grinnin' at my dad....
i never did play it like he wanted.
why stop now, ya know?