listening to the wind....

his heart's been breakin'. and mine's been crackin'
a bit just watchin' him. it's been hard. i've been
feelin' pretty helpless....

and then something happened yesterday that really
made it all turn a corner for me.

it was one of those times something beyond me was
doin' the guiding. a thought popped into my head,
i honored it by goin' with it, he was desperate enough
to follow my lead.

and we all met up. the three of us. the two of them
have too many issues between them to get very far.
i know enough of their dance to be able to show up
and calm the rough waters a bit. other than that, i
didn't know what i could do.

and yet......i was aware enough to know this was
beyond me. and that this wasn't my idea, and i needed
to watch and be open.

we were first to arrive. he went up for coffee, i found
a table. i put my hands over my face. anyone walkin'
by would think i was just tired. i closed my eyes and
asked for help, asked for something good to happen here.
let me be open enough to be guided in what to say...

i uncovered my face just as my guy came back. he was
grinnin' at me. figured i was just tired and dreading
this. he had no idea what i was doin'.

it wasn't long before he arrived. i had his favorite
drink waiting for him. he smiled and thanked me.
i joked it was all my treat even tho i didn't pay for
it i had thought of it! he smiled at my guy and thanked
him for buying it. we were off to a good start....

we talked. he told us of some of his plans. we tried
to figure a few things out with him. i asked him what
he was feelin'. 'nothing' he claimed. he had shut down
his feelings....

after we talked some more, i leaned towards him, touched
his arm and told him i thought he should let the excitement
feeling come out as things were looking good for him. there
were things to feel good about.

he just eyed me from over his straw.

at some point, i leaned back and i knew we were done.
that we could leave. it was good too as i had had enough.

i knew good things had happened around the table, i also
knew there was a lot there that would drain me and that
i didn't need to be a part of.

we walked out to the parking lot, there was some joking
and then goodbye......i looked up at the sky as i got
to my car. a smile and a thank you up to the heavens, and
i plopped inside.

asked my guy how he felt.
'we haven't talked like that in so long. that was the best
i've seen him in months.' he said. and he had hope.

is everything fixed?
oh no. not by a long shot.
but it went from blackness to some real hope and optimism
last nite. give them a little time alone and the blackness
will return....that's their dance.

but i've got the hope and optimism now. and i can give that
to him when he's just seein' black.

if i've got that to give, i can get thru.
it's when i've only got blackness too that i'm lost.

so i sit here this morning listening to the wind outside.
looking up to the sky i asked for guidance today....
help me be open enough to hear it....

and the wind whipped thru the trees........