wide open doors to magic

i'm a sap.
doesn't take much to make me smaltzy.
and i got all smaltzy again today.

wrote a friend about how just getting to
know her more this year, and seeing her
beauty has been one of the really good
things that's happened to me this year.

and i gotta say...in a whole lotta ways,
it's been a sucky year. but then again....
in a whole lotta ways, it's been a really
really awesome year.

the end of a year, thinking of friends and
people i love....well all of that makes
me turn into mush.

i wonder what it's all about. where i'm
goin'. what i want to do with my life. what
life's about. you know.....all that stuff.

two days in a row now, i've had two different
women, both very special to me, say to me that
i do a whole lotta inner work and have worked
hard to get somewhere inside. i just had a third
friend tell me something similar...

i noticed it because each time it was told to
me, it took me by surprise.

it's kinda weird but i forget that i do that.

i just see the hurdles ahead, ya know???

and as this year ends, i'm thinking of the hurdles
that have filled the months....

and i do see the work involved.

and i do see how it's all good in its own kooky way.

i keep thinking of all these outlandish resolutions
i want to write....

i'd like to go beyond understanding that it's all good
in its own kooky way, (and i'm not even really there yet!)
i'd like to see the magic as i go along.

like this morning.
with the walk. (see posts below)
the colors felt different. and i said maybe magic was
afoot.

sure enough....it's gotten really really blustery!
i ran out to get some stuff blowin' around and the
wind was roaring!!! just roaring!!! i ran around with
my arms out stretched pretending i was a kite....and
knew it really was a magical day. then there were snow
flurries outta the blue.

it's just this magical weather that can bring anything.

i knew by the colors.

what if i could do that with life??
the colors could be the hurdles. the hurdles could be
colors. signs of magic. letting me know anything can
happen. they don't have to be stressful situations.
they can be wide open doors......to magic.

what if i could look at life like that?!

how in the world do i figure this stuff out to make
resolutions that make sense???

and then if i can make it make sense, how in the world
do i do it on a daily basis???

how do you make 'being awake and aware of the magic'
a new year's resolution???

i don't know.
but i'm gonna give it a shot!