mixing souls with the world....

another rainy morning.
another rainy morning walk.
this morning it was raining harder,
so i slipped out before yo could be
a gentleman and join me. i know he'd
much rather stay warm and dry....

so off i went.

i debated.
an umbrella??
it really would be perfect for an umbrella...

but then i wouldn't feel the rain on my face.
what's the point if you don't get to feel the
rain on your face??

and so i headed out without one.

it felt great.
it was coming down hard enough that it was
loud when i hit the tree area.
it was cold enough that you had to keep moving
at a good pace or you'd get too cold.
it was wet enough that even the construction workers
stayed home today. so it was quieter and louder
than normal all at once.

i've been sheddin' a lotta tears the last few
days. i cry real easily anyway, and then when you
put me in a situation that tugs at my heart....
tears are just part of the game. so missing josh
is just gonna bring tears. and i've had a lot of
them. they just kinda run down my face at the oddest
moments.

so here i am in the rain.
and i feel like the universe is crying with me!
and it feels so good!

i feel like what's outside of me....the gray and
the cold and the rain is what's inside of me.
and it feels good to have the outside to relate to.

i can cry and it mixes in with rain drops.
and i did.
and i felt the warm tears mix with the cold rain.
and it felt good.

i'm okay. i really am. and i'm careful to let those
around me know that.

i think it's confusing because i'm so emotional,
it's hard to tell! so i work hard on keeping it mostly
together so no one worries.

but what i need most is just to feel. just to be allowed
to feel.

this gray rainy morning invited me in.
said 'come cry with me. and just feel.'
and all around me, mixed in the trees and the sky, and
the puddles and the streams, i felt like i not only could
just feel....that it was all part of what i was feeling.

in some weird way, me and the world mixed up our souls
today and cried together.

kinda awesome....
and just what i needed.....