not perfect....just real...and loving

i'd been debating saying anything.
wasn't sure i wanted to give life to
what i was feeling by giving it words.

it was spur of the moment.
i turned towards him and told him.

his response was exactly opposite of
what i was looking for.

years ago this woulda been a huge, big
deal. i woulda clammed up. and never
said another word about it. i woulda been
hurt and struggling over it.

this time i looked at him straight
in the eyes and said 'i was tryin'
to tell you how i was feeling. you just
totally negated it.'

and i started to turn back to what
i was doing.

he turned me around. 'you're right.'
he said.

'why?' i asked.
'why'd you respond like that? what did you
think i meant?'

he said something about not being sure why
he answered like that, it was inappropriate
and then said something to show me he heard
what i had said.

i immediately opened up and finished the
thoughts i had started.

there wasn't any weirdness left over from it.
i didn't need to forgive him. it was okay.

this morning that moment was on my mind.
i thought of the years of work it had taken
us to pull off a simple moment like that.
and how we definitely aren't perfect....
but we are real. and loving.

as i was thinking these very thoughts, he called.
'i owe you an apology' he said.
and he went on to explain how doin' something
this morning, he was reminded of what i was
feeling and that he didn't want to take that
lightly.

i teared up.

somewhere, sometimes, i get muddled.
with life. not just with him.
i want it to be perfect. or pretty. or easy.
or whatever.

but it's not. it's so not.
but if it's real...and loving....
what more do you want, ter?

THIS is what i want.