i can't tell why i'm reacting this way
these days....
part of me says i'm growin' and changing,
part of me says there's been too many hurts
and losses and i'm numb. that it has something
to do with my spirit not quite bein' here.
hmmmmm.
two very different perspectives.
but i don't think it really matters.
even if it's the numb deal...which i'm leaning
towards....
that's an okay thing as long as i don't stay numb.
and if i can get something out of the time that i
am numb.....well, that would rock, wouldn't it??
and it would launch me into the first theory of
growing and changing.
so it works.
i remember reading anger's a tool that can be used
really well....as long as you don't hold on to it
too long.
maybe numb is like that?
the thing that i'm talkin' about is that when
something hard comes my way these days, i've been
stepping aside and watchin' it from the side of me.
more like a science experiment than a happening.
the thoughts/questions of 'what does this teach me?'
'how should i best handle this for my own growth?'
come quickly.
and then i step thru it with those thoughts in mind.
i was tellin' my guy about it this morning.
(he leans with the numb theory, by the way.)
and he said that ultimately that's what we want to
do thru life. and when we get to the dying part to
just step aside and look and say 'my body's dying.'
i like that guy.
so okay.......
i have no idea why i've gotten into this mode.
but i'm startin' to dig it.
and if i can practice on all the little things
maybe when the medium things come along i can do
it a little bit....
and then who knows?
who knew numb could be such a teacher?!
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