tea

i've been overwhelmed to the point of tears lately.
too much goin on. not keepin' up with business.
that kinda thing. i started canceling out on people
and things....even canceled a date!

so there's no way i woulda allowed time for a friend
yesterday. but she didn't know that. and there she
was. at my door. flowers in hand.

she brought me flowers.

at the EXACT moment i needed something like that the
most.

she's busy too. asked about my time. i said i didn't
have long, but could fit in a cup of tea. she said that
was about all she could do too. so tea it was!

we stood in the kitchen while i got my flowers arranged,
the tea goin', that kinda thing. it wasn't long. just
long enough to do the catch up.

'you okay? you look sad.' i asked her.
nah, just her period. she was tired.
'oh, do you get all profound?? i get all profound
when i'm having mine!'

she stopped. thought. and said 'yeah, i do.'

she sat down at the table.
i poured hot water in my cup and left hers empty.
no kidding.
i was that out of it.
she reminded me she needed the hot water if she
was going to actually drink tea.

i doubled over on the table laughing.
like a teenager.
i told her i woulda wondered why on earth she
wasn't drinking her tea. i would not have known!!
and i laughed some more.

i like being around her. i can laugh real silly
and it feels natural. sometimes i just need that.

i poured her water and then sat back down.

'okay.' i said.
'i can't figure something out.'

and so i jumped right into the struggle of living
with your heart wide open, loving with all you've
got....and then letting people go.

i just couldn't figure out how to do it.

she leaned back. said since she happened to be profound
anyway, maybe she could answer that.

'you don't have to do it all at once, terri.'

i was in mid sip. i stopped. held my cup still.

'you kind of work up to it.'

i hadn't thought of that.
ever.

i do that all the time.
i see the big picture and dump it on myself like
i gotta handle ALL that NOW.

wow.
go figure.
i don't have to do it all at once.

can each letting go be just a step towards the
big letting go?

why sure.

i've been thinking about that ever since.....