winning

i laughed out loud at a comment left here
on the post of what i'd be thinking about
guys when i was 16.
it was from a guy i had a crush on when i was
16! go figure! life is weird.

i laughed, thought about him, thought about
that crush so long ago....and smiled at the way
life turns out.

so much of me is the same and so much of me
is different. so much of him is the same and
so much of him is different.

i guess that has got to be everyone, huh?

which parts have changed?
which parts haven't?

my spiritual beliefs have totally changed and
that feels good. it feels like growth.

some of my beliefs in the world have changed
and that doesn't feel good. that feels like it got
kicked outta me.

and i'm thinking that maybe that's something
to look at.

i'm thinking maybe if something becomes part
of you, it's good when it feels like growth.
if it feels other than growth....then maybe it's
not in you quite right.

maybe it needs some tweaking.

doesn't mean all your thoughts have to be rosey.
that's not what i mean.

just that maybe if it feels kicked into you,
maybe there's still a lot of healing to do there.
and maybe the beliefs surrounding it are based
on hurt, not truth.

life can hurt a ton.
but if we let that hurt shape our beliefs and
color our outlook, we've lost. ya know?

i'm not much of a competitive person. and i don't
really see life like a battle.
but i do think we can win or lose something here.

and i don't know....i just don't want to lose.