cycles

i can get an idea in my head, and
hang on to it like a darn pit bull
sometimes.

right now that idea seems to be gratitude.

and i'm thinking hangin' on to it is
a good thing....because all too soon it
will get dropped and i'll wonder where it
went. and i'll want it back.

i've been 'under the weather' and tryin'
to rest and get myself back to normal.

i woke up late today feelin' pretty good and
thinking 'okay! maybe i can get thru the
day without a nap!'

and then what should happen to surprise me,
but my period showed up early!

ta da!

hmmmmmmm.....my first thought, beyond suprise
was now i'm gonna be tired and not know if
it's from that or from being sick.

hellooooo??
who cares???
REST IF YOU'RE TIRED.

learn to take care of yourself.

and i smiled.

okay. i can do that.
it's amazing how hard it is for me to rest.
there's so much i want to do....
but i can see clearly that i need to learn
the art of taking care of myself a wee bit
better!

i can do that.

then my thoughts turned to gratitude....

someone i care a lot about is recovering from
a radical hysterectomy....she's just tryin' to
catch her breath before they start chemo on
her for ovarian cancer.

yeah.

another person who i love with all my heart
is waiting to get checked out for the exact
same thing...

so i thought of my period.
the dark red of the blood.
the slight cramps i'm having....

and i thought how lucky i am.

i've really liked my cycle for a long time now.
i think it's pretty awesome and love the mood i
get in when i have my period.
my 'power time mood.'
i love it.
have loved that i've been in sync with the moon
for ages....altho now i'm not!
have loved that i've taught the men in
my life to look at the full moon and think of
me!!

but yeah, some of the cramps and fatigue, well,
i haven't loved that stuff.

but that changed today.

today both the cramps and fatigue are welcome!

the cramps will remind me that i still have
my uterus! that it's working. that i'm healthy.
the fatigue will remind me that i'm still learning
how to take care of myself, and it's another chance
for me to be gentle with myself.

i'm so darn serious here.
the health issues around me are tremendous.
and here i sit, doin' fine.

that's something to hold with all the gratitude
in the world.

it's a shame so many of us were taught to hate our
periods....

what an incredible reminder they can be.....
how lucky we are to even have them.
i think of my friend recovering from her operation...
gettin' ready to walk into chemo....

what she wouldn't give to have her period now.

i have so much.
so much.
i pray that my eyes stay open to that...
and that my hands stay open to holding that....