the entire thing was spontaneous...
we ended up elbow to elbow in the kitchen.
he asked if there was anything he could do
to help. i told him no, i had it under control.
then i said 'wait. there is something you
can do.'
and i asked him if he'd stay and talk with
me for a few minutes.
and a conversation i wasn't even sure i would
ever have with him began.
something had been weighing on me for days.
it was about him and i.
i wasn't even gonna say anything.
told myself he's a guy. he doesn't need all the
hashing out. just leave it be, ter.
but something nudged me and we started.
he turned to me several times during the conversation,
looked me in the eye and said 'i am so glad you
said something.'
and my non verbal son said things to me that
took the weight right off my shoulders.
this communicating stuff is so hard even when we're
so close.
maybe because we are so close....i think maybe that makes
it harder sometimes.
and prolly the most interesting thing to me is this...
i was in a different spot. i had figured it wasn't gonna
be fixed. i wasn't trying to fix it. and maybe because
i was in a new spot, it allowed him to be in one.
i don't know.
but he was in a different spot too.
and i saw him rise to the occasion.
and i saw my kid bein' a young man.
and i saw there wasn't anything to fix.
it was all about just lettin each other know what was
goin on.
and caring about that.
the kitchen never felt so good.
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