'no invisible means of support'

weird start to my morning here....
top it off with some goofy game thing
on face book.

you choose random things (they tell you
how) and you make an album cover.
it's my kinda thing....pointless and fun.

i do like pointless and fun.

i went to get my name for my album...
and i got 'no invisible means of support'

ohhhhhh you gotta love that one!
it's stuff you can chew on!

then i went to get my picture for it and
what did i get??

DICE!

ohhhhhhh.
ya know. sometimes things are just too freaky.

so there i sat.
lost in thought.
i moved over by the pellet stove and just sat
by the heat and thought about life and death
and god and no god and where we go and what
it's all about.

brought me right back to my midlife stuff.
and my thinking that maybe the 'deserve factor'
was getting in my way of things. i don't want
to forget to work with that.

got me thinking about my own beliefs. my own
faith.

what the heck is it?!

i've lost so much of it along the way. it's
totally different than when i started out....

i'm kinda glad about that.
when i really need it, i'd like the stuff i
really really believe to be burned in, and the
other stuff to have fallen away.

but how much stuff is left that i really really
believe?

there's one thing that i always come back to
because i've experienced it.

the flow.
or whatever the heck you want to call it.

i know there is one, because i've been in it
more than once.

where you're in the right place on the inside
and everything on the outside moves easily
because of that.

'no invisible means of support.'

what a phrase.

i might go so far as to buy that about something
outside of us.

not sure.

but i can't buy that about something inside of us.
cause i know it's there.

cause i've touched that too.

there is an invisible means of support inside me.

that i'm sure of.

and thinking about that today somehow felt really
really good.