talk about roadblocks.........

so i walked.
and i thought of my fears for the future....

as i turned from my goodmorningworld spot
to head home, a question landed in my head.

'do you think you deserve it?'

did i deserve happiness, and health and someone
who truly loved me?

i didn't like that question.

and tried to wander away from it.

but it appeared in front of me again,
one of the biggest roadblocks i can remember.

it was so big all i could do was acknowledge its
presence.

and i thought of yesterday, when my friend gave
me the necklace. i didn't want to take it from
her as i knew it was special to her.

after about the third round of 'maybe you should
really have this.' she said to me...

i'm going to engrave right here 'terri deserves
this.'

i thought of that moment.

i thought of the question that popped into my head.

i got a little teary about it all.
but couldn't go much further.
i touched on some things that would have taught
me that i don't.

i know they are deep.
i know that i need to keep working on them.

but i don't think i knew how much power i've
been giving them.....

sigh.

and so i stand looking at this roadblock.
it crosses the road and all the way up around it.

it's not just a skim around it and keep on goin.
it may very well be a dismantle it and get
thru that way......

shoot.

can't say i'm real thrilled about that....
but can say i'm glad to at least know it's there.

part of me just sits down and thinks
'will she dismantle it in time?'

and then when i hear that.....i think......
of course she will!
she's come this far..........
she can't stop now......

big deep breath....
and another jump in...........