dew drops

i try really hard to get it right.
and as my friends keep tellin' me...
sometimes you just gotta stop tryin'
and just be.

i know. i know. i'm trying.
grin. did i just say that?!!

well, the universe reminded me this morning
with a sweet nudge....

i walked and tried real hard to get okay
with something i want to be okay with.

i'm just not there.
i'm just not.
but i sure have tried hard!

there i was standing at my goodmorningworld spot
thinking it was just outta my grasp,this being
okay with this something i'm struggling with,
but maybe if i could just reach a little further....
just open my fingers and my mind a little bit more..

when i looked down....

and i stopped.

the light was hitting the grass and lighting up
the drops of water that were hanging on the tips
of the grass.
ohhhhhhhh..........it was so beautiful it just
stopped me.

it brought me right back to the flowers i put
together for my dad's funeral. i was in charge
of the flower arrangement. go figure. no one knew
i suck at that. but i did it anyway....

and i got these beautiful dried stalky things that
had a silver drop near the tops of each stalk.

i picked them because they were gentle and elegant,
and the silver drops seemed like tears.
i mixed them in the arrangement. and i saved a few
for me to have here.

i looked at the grass this morning and the beauty
of the light on those beads of water.
thought of the funeral flowers and life and how
short it all is....

and i just put down the struggle.

i can't change how i feel right now. i don't have
any answers. all i can do is be.

and as rilke would say live myself into the answers.
or something like that....

i turned to the birds singing, the sun hitting the
trees.....knowing i'll live myself into whatever i need
to......