my thick headedness never ceases to amaze me.
over the last 2 days there have been 5 life
things that have in the past caused me much
struggle.
during the last two days i have shown
remarkable calm, peace....and are you ready??
ACCEPTANCE!
ohmygosh fallin down on my back flat on the
floor!
acceptance?!
me?!!!
as i hung up the phone with the last thing
that i felt a quiet acceptance about, i noticed
it.
i want to say it was a 'quiet resolve.'
i don't think that's right tho.
but i sure like that phrase.
so i'm gonna use it cause i like it even
tho i think it means something entirely
different.
so humor me here.
and i thought......wow.....wouldn't it be
cool if i had this quiet resolve all the time?!
knucklehead.
THAT'S the point of all this you've been
learning.....there IS NO all the time.
it flows.
it changes.
some moments you got it, some you don't.
and all the moments are okay.
oh yeah, but i sure like the moments i got
it much better than the moments i don't.
hmmmmmm........
maybe the trick is to like all the moments?
maybe that's what quiet resolve means.
well, in my dictionary anyway.
and i started laughing and confusing myself.
if i'm happy i have quiet resolve over things
i've struggled with in the past, but unhappy
when i don't have quiet resolve when i don't
have quiet resolve (yes, i said that) then you
really don't have quiet resolve down yet.
and that's the point. you won't. you can't
cause everything changes. so accept it.
and i smiled a wide smile.
maybe the key is confusion.
confusion makes it all make more sense.
all i know is i'm feelin' quieter about things
that have caused some major conflict.
and i'm feelin' an inner river inside that i'm
allowing to come up more and more.
and i'm likin' midlife.
go figure.
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