compassion

i keep thinking of that boulder.
(see posts below)

it's been weighing heavy on me.
i guess boulders will do that.
that's the nature of boulders.

but why would i take a boulder and
tie it to myself?

okay.
worse.
why would i take something that's
NOT a boulder and change it into
one??

okay.
worse.
why would i take something that's
not only NOT a boulder....but a
nugget of gold and make it a boulder??

why indeed.

because there's something that runs
thru me so quietly and so sneakily
that it becomes so powerful. and it
causes a lot of turmoil inside me.

it's ALMOST more powerful than my
desire to love. it ALMOST wins out
at crucial times.

but it doesn't.

but it's powerful enough to set me back,
to weigh me down, to keep me from going
where i want to go....to keep me from
flying.

i think the enlightened answer on how
to deal with that streak is to embrace it,
to love it, to pat it on the head, and then
to send it away.
over and over again.
until it doesn't return.

i haven't once done that.

until this morning. and i realized....i left
something out. compassion.
i need compassion for that streak.

i felt it this morning.
and then sent it off in a different direction.

and the compassion is what i felt like i
needed desperately.

i think i'm gonna have to do some visualizations
with compassion.

yeah.......