kitchen banter

we were all in my kitchen last nite.
i was cooking for a meal today, they
were playin' cards keepin' me company
with their whoopin' and hollerin'.

i got a phone message that aggravated me.
i tried not to let it.
told myself all the practical things that
explained it and that there was no cause
to feel bad....
i still felt bad tho.
it just kinda hung in my heart.

joked with the guys about it as i grabbed
the trash bag to take outside.

as i walked out the back door, i could
hear their jests thru the open window.

they know all my issues, know all my buttons
and joke about them constantly.

like i have an issue about 'not feeling seen.'
and i have body image issues, or issues that
i'm always in the way. those kinda things that
i've been workin' thru for years now!

so they'll say things like 'oh well, she's so
fat, but of course who can tell, cause we can't
see her. good thing too as she'd just be in
the way.'

i'm laughing as i type this.
cause i have a feeling unless you're here and
know the banter, it sounds pretty awful.

it's actually quite funny and relieves a lotta
tensions a lotta times. and it's their way of
telling me i'm okay.
believe it or not.

so i'm walkin' out into the night with this
trash bag, a little tense from the message,
and i hear their bantering start. and i hear
lines like above. and i just burst out laughing.
i'm laughing as i pop the bag in the trash can
and hollerin' 'you bums!" as i round the corner
of the house.

there's something magical about laughter.
and those guys of mine keep me laughin'....

i finished up with a grin on my face, listening
to the boys get back to the poker banter.

i think prolly one of my favorite things about
family is the bantering that goes on.

sometimes that's the most healing thing in the
world......