Sunday, May 3, 2009

one heck of a ground crew....

okay...this doesn't start out great.
but it gets oh so much better.

did some money figures today and got
kinda shaken. oh. they weren't good.

i haven't been scared about finances since
last summer. i pulled myself together and
have just 'known' we'll be fine since then.

well.....today i got really rattled.
the numbers were way lower than i thought
they'd be.

was meetin' everyone at josh's later.
figured i'd bring the figures to bob and
sit and talk with him about it all. but then
i thought......ya know, let me talk to all
the guys...include everyone in on this.

as we sat in josh's living room we were
all talkin' about what we did that day and
catchin' up with each other.

my turn.

so i brought up the numbers.
bob's mister number man so he immediately
sits with them all to see how bad it really
is. the boys, including bob's son, all jump
in with suggestions and ideas and encouragement.

bob's son made me laugh a lot with some of his
ideas. okay, so he's not real practical. but
laughing counts a lot. and i know he was goin'
for that.

after a bit, we headed in to eat and talk about
other things. i didn't really feel much better
but was glad to have talked to them.

and then.......i went to the bathroom.

what is it about bathrooms? they are absolutely
like psychic phone booths. messages just come to
me in bathrooms. it's so weird.

i got filled with the thought of not holding
the fear. letting that go.
of stepping into the flow and letting the fear
stay behind.

it wasn't just an idea. it was more like something
that i had to do.

i told bob about it but he was in practical mode,
not cosmic mode. and i think he only got it on
a certain level.

but i knew.

we wrapped it up at josh's and i headed back with
yo and zakk.

by the time i hit my front door i was so filled
with gratitude i coulda burst.

and i really hadn't tried to be.

it was just all around me.
these great guys bein' there for me....
some really wonderful new windshield wipers that
bob had secretly put on the car for me at josh's
that were gonna make some driving the next two days
much better....
the wonderful house we pulled up to....
and walkin' into my living room with my kids.

i have too much to be afraid.
i have been down to long a road to be afraid.

we have ALWAYS pulled it off.
why would that change now?

we've only gotten better at pulling things off.

the fear is gone right now.
gratitude's runnin' thru me.

and i've got the best ground crew in the world.

all is right with the world.

1 comment:

runzwithknives said...

Ok, let me get this straight...you flushed your fear down the toilet?

I am so laughing at that image right now whether you intended it or not.

*still laughing*