Wednesday, June 17, 2009

my inner circle

i was trying to figure out the healthiest
way to deal with some stuff swirlin' around
inside of me.

a buncha sadness and a definite feeling of
needing to isolate. i could feel the pull to
go wallow....
and deep down i knew there had to be something
better than wallowing....

somehow i stumbled onto the visual of the

it's like i have different circles in my life.
there's my inner circle that is my center
world. and then there's outer circles. some
overlap a lot, some just touch in a tiny bit.

one, i thought, i wish didn't touch in at all.
but then i stopped and thought that thru.
not true. that one has birthed bone sighs and
so much of my writing. couldn't have had all that
without that circle. so, okay, it's good
it's there. as long as it's not touching a lot.

so okay, i visualized the circles.
and since last nite, several different things
have happened that have felt like 'magic' to me.
and i thought of that magic.

that is all contained in my inner circle.
that's where the magic is happening right now.

so....instead of closing off to everything
(which i feel like doing) i decided to just go
hang out in my main circle.

just so happens, circumstances today will force
me to step into several of the other circles.
including the one that i want very little to
do with.

so i pictured stepping into those, doing what
was required, all the time knowing i was going
back into the magical center ring as soon as
i was done.

and then i started picturing stepping into the
other circle with a cloak of magic gathered from
the center ring. and holding it around me while
i was there.

suddenly, it all started feeling doable.
and then.....more magic happened.

my elderly neighbor hollered from her door.
i went up to visit. she looked so frail when i
first got there. scared even. medical things are
happening for her and she's feelin' wobbly about
it all. we sat and did the serious conversation
laced with laughter.

she had given me a four leaf clover just a little
while ago and i told her that as soon as she did,
my business had picked up again! we joked about


i looked at her face as i was getting ready to leave,
like i always do. i love to see the change in it.
she looked so much better. that's always magic to me.
as i had sat there with her, i consciously thought
she was sitting in my inner circle with me right then.
think it did us both a world of good.

i walked out and saw a construction worker who said
'goodmorning terri' and made me turn my head. i had
no idea he knew my name.

a neighbor drove by and he stopped and we laughed
real hard together over some dumb joke.

and then another neighbor drove by joking with me about
me conspiring with the gods to make it rain on the
construction workers. and we laughed.

i walked into my house laughing.
i had left on my walk teary.

believe me......i'm gonna watch for the magic
that shows up today....and i'm gonna hold it.
i'm gonna stay close to it and hover around it.
and when i have to step away into that other circle,
i'm gonna take a wand, stuffed with some of this
magic with me.

and then, i'm comin' right back, baby.
cause that's where i wanna be today.

1 comment:

kameramuse said...

I've looked at your site for years, admiring your courage and gift of words ... and in regards to your post today ... your majic has already shown itself, the gift of laughter for you and those around you.

take care and safe journey in your days