the whole

at first it got my adrenaline going.
something that happened today.
it really agitated me.
and then it just got me sad.

i've been tellin' myself to refocus and
find the understanding.

but haven't got there.

i was just about to turn in a little early,
and just kinda go sleep it off...
when i got this email that couldn't have
been more amazing to me.

a woman turned 40 a few days ago and
was struggling with the 40 mark and where
she was in life.
a friend gave her one of our bone sighs
for a present.

and she said it summed up where she was
with things.

she sent a note out to friends and
included the picture of the print and
the quote.

i was stunned.
i remember writing this quote.
i wrote it about the very same things
that are haunting me tonite.
i wrote it in trying to get by some
past stuff that was hard.

i'm mostly by that stuff.
but now and again things come up that
hurt a lot.

tonite i felt alone and sad with it.
and then i read this note.

and remembered where i was when i wrote
it. and the print reminded me that i want
to make my life beautiful.

and the refocus finally made sense.
but in a different way than what i was thinking.

i'm gonna refocus and give myself a little
compassion. show myself a little self love.
look at how far i've come......and keep on
goin' towards the beauty.......

i'm not going to refocus and try to understand
them right now........i'm gonna try to just
love me a little first. and then i'll move
to them.

but me first this time.

i have tears runnin' down my face.

sometimes the magic of the universe just
astounds me.

'she could never go back and make some of the
details pretty. all she could do was move
forward and make the whole beautiful.'