side benefits....

i've been paying attention to my cycles
more and more.
watching for changes, shifts, things goin'
on. at forty eight with warm flashes poppin'
in here and there, i figure i should pay
attention.

i've been tryin' to watch my emotions too.
if it's the particularly trying time of
the cycle for me, i decided to try to be
patient and give myself some time before
i decide to kill everyone or whatever it
is i want to do...
just wait a week, ter. and if you still feel
like killing them, then go for it.

while, i think that's helping a little bit...
(everyone's still here without a scratch!)
i think that what's happening are things
i didn't plan on....and they're good things.

one, i'm learning patience and trust a little
bit more. 'wait a week and see how you feel'
really does wonders for pacing yourself and
stepping back and watching. at least for me
it does. i've always been 'gotta deal with it
now!!!!'....and this actually feels really good.

another thing that's happening, is i've started
watching all parts of the cycle. and i see
different moods come in and out some linger
longer....some go way too quickly...

and somehow it's helping me appreciate the
moments more. appreciate the moods while i've
got them, and know it's okay that really
cool profound one left, it'll be back. and
ohhhhh i wish that peaceful one would stay
longer....but yeah, it'll be back again. it's
okay. and ohhhhh this cranky one's back? well
that's okay, it won't be here forever.

and then, prolly the biggest thing that's
happening is i'm learning to step back and
watch myself. and accept myself where i'm at.

ohhhhhhh.......
that's new to me.
my toes are just dabblin' into that water.
but it's happening....

and it's kinda cool.
gosh, all this came just cause i thought it
might be good not to kill everyone around me....

kinda nice side benefits!