dodge, rapids, and a hot shower...

i had needed to 'get outta dodge' this weekend.
and so i disappeared into my reunion.

last nite, dodge landed back on my head.

intensely.

this morning i got up early to deal with some
of it.....

he called. we talked. and i told him exactly
how i was feeling.

there's so much love there as we tried to help
each other. we got no further than understanding
each other.

i hung up the phone exhausted.

decided to skip my walk and just get in a little
extra sleep.

i lay down and closed my eyes.
emotions ran all thru me.
oh great.
not too good for sleeping.

i heard a car whiz by on the street.
the sound brought me back to my grandmother's
house when i was a kid.

i loved sleeping there.
everything was so different.
and when i slept in my favorite sleeping room,
i'd hear the cars whizzin' by at nite.
different than my sleepy neighborhood sounds
as a kid. and i loved it.

the emotions continued to surge all in me,
and i figured it was hopeless to sleep. i
might as well get up and walk.

wait a minute.
maybe this is exactly what you need to do.
lay here with them. let it be intense.
feel it all. go with it.
give it every bit of your attention and see
where you go.

and so i released into the waves of them.

in moments, i could feel myself riding the
raft down the river of it all. i could feel
myself being swooshed thru the current. i
actually saw the river in some kinda wonderful
abstract painting kinda way....

i was safe. on a raft. just whooshing thru.

another car whizzed by outside.
i thought of the little girl at her grandmother's
house. i remembered being there. i remembered life
then. and i thought of how far that little girl
has traveled. all that i had learned. how much
i had grown inside...
how far the raft has whooshed and swooshed and how
i've ridden it.

christie's words from last week echoed thru -
'for the love of the game.'.....

and the raft whooshed steadily on.

somehow i got comfortable enough i dozed for a few
minutes...

as i was getting up, zakk tapped on the bedroom door.
he was wondering if i was up and if i wanted in the
shower before him.

i lit up.

it's not often they ask. and i was just headin' that
way.....a hot shower to really wake me up and start
the day....

i gave him a huge smile, told him i'd be quick, and
ran off to start the day.

dodge is dodge.
i could get out of it if i wanted to.
but i don't want to lose the sheriff. he means too
much to me.

i'll just ride the raft....and know that it's all
a game. and i'm in for the love of it...
even the rapids and rocky parts.

turning towards her day, she smiled.