an appointment....

his struggles with his sons have so profoundly
affected our relationship i have seriously
wondered at times if we would weather it as
a couple.

i also see at times how much it has grown
us as a couple. we've gained much....lost
much....and learned a whole whole lot.

we've been in heavy weather for awhile now.
and this afternoon we run away for just a
short time to get some relief from it all
and just be together.

(happily, i won't be around tomorrow to blog!)

i am quite looking forward to this and without
a doubt, we really need it.

didn't think anything could top my delight
about us right now....until i heard the counselor
he had turned to for help and who was also
quite stuck with it all wanted to talk to me!

i immediately called the counselor directly.
practically knocked him off his chair with
my enthusiastic response. i would love to talk
to you! i said. and we set it up.

i've been thinking of it ever since.

and wondering at my reaction.

honest? i don't think he can help.
i honestly don't.
long stories.
but i don't have hope there.

so.
why am i so excited?
why did this get more of a reaction than
my little trip away???

when i thought about it, i realized how badly
i need to talk to someone about this stuff.

i have been goin' back and forth about making
my own appointment with him. come close, then
back away and think nahhh i can deal with it.

now.......he asked me for some input.
so it's my way of helping.
and in the process?
i think i'll get a little help.

i love deals like that.

but here's the thing that has caught my attention
most....

by my reaction it's crystal clear how much i
need this.

how could i not really know?
how could it be something i have gone back and
forth on? when in fact it's something so big
for me.

and.......don't lose this.....
it happened anyway. it sorta took a life of its
own.

that's my favorite part.