i don't get the games.
i used to.
i used to live the games.
i used to live the games so well that i almost
lost myself in the process.
once i grabbed myself, and saved myself from drowning,
i swore off the games. i don't want any part of them
anymore. sometimes i find myself in them and my entire
being reacts to them. they can never be a way of life
i keep thinking that all you gotta do is figure out
you're playin' them, and then you won't want to anymore.
but it doesn't seem to work that way.
i thought if you walked thru hell because of the games,
you'd figure it out and you'd change. i thought hell
would break you in two and part of you would crawl out
i thought if you lost something so precious in the world
because of the games you would drop them, do whatever it
takes to change. swear off the games.
i thought if you got to death's door, you figured it
out. and if you got to return from that door,
you changed. you grabbed honest and real. you left the
i thought wrong.
i've seen both. the dropping of the games and the holding
on tight and the resuming of the games.
the games become reality.
i never know what to do with that.
i don't know how to accept it.
i don't know how to confront it.
and i'm afraid of the knowing i do have.
because you see, i know all to well how to step in
and dance with the game.
and that scares me.
one thing i pray for the most.....
don't let me get caught in the game ever again.
because as hard as it is sometimes.... i never ever
want to lose real.
i never ever want to lose life.
i never ever want to play the games again.