me and my baby....

i just looked in...
cause i'm a smaltz ball.
he's sleepin' in a little late today
cause it's his birthday.

twenty first birthday.
wow.
that's a little wild for the both of us.

my thoughts keep goin' back to his birth...
and all thru growin' up.
i'm a regular reminiscing machine today.

his birth was the easiest. still long,
but way easier compared to the other two.
had him with midwives at a birthing center.
his dad was an awesome awesome coach.
i can still remember leaning into his dad's
soft green shirt and him holding me up and
whisperin' i was doin' good.

i whispered a happy birthday to his dad this
morning. it was a special special time.

first thing yo yo did was pee on the midwife.
we all laughed. a healthy baby with a big ol'
dent in his forehead from leaning against my
hip bone or something....

what a joy.
what an incredible experience.

i had read a book called the 'continuum concept'
during his pregnancy...
the author held the theory that babies should have
continuous contact with their mother.

i was on board with the theory and willing to try.

it meant as a newborn he was gonna sleep right on
top of me.

yeah.
no kidding.

i was a side sleeper. didn't sleep on my back.
didn't know if i'd be able to sleep with a baby
plunked on my chest.

and then in a little bit, when he had grown too long,
i didn't know how i'd sleep without him there.

constant adjustments.
that's parenting...
that's growth...
that's relationships...
that's life.

i keep thinking of that this morning.
i didn't know how i'd ever handle another child.
could i love him as much as the first?
funny the things you learn about love as a parent.
that's when i first learned....and was first stunned
by the ability of love....i could love just as much
all over again.

i didn't know if i could handle having him.
just like i didn't know if i could handle a newborn
sleeping on top of me.
you gotta be kiddin' me.

and now i wonder how i'll hold up when he moves on.

all that bonding.
all that continuum stuff....
and now i'm helping him prepare his way outta here.

you gotta be kiddin' me.

i'm taking him for a walk in just a bit.
draggin' him out with me.
actually, he's so sweet, i know he'll come willingly.
and i want to talk about his life ahead of him.

cause it's inspiring and exciting and awesome and
wonderful......and it's his.

what a gift i've had for 21 years.
i think i might have a couple more years before he moves on...
and i'm gonna enjoy every darn second of them.

and now...i think i gotta go grab him for a walk...