Thursday, October 15, 2009

absorbent bones today

i woke up happy. just plain ol' happy.
i totally love it when that happens.
as i zipped around this morning i remembered
something that was goin' on today.
not for me. for someone i'm close to.

it wasn't the first thing on my mind at all.

three years ago....two even...okay, okay....
6 months ago.....i woulda been concerned
about what was goin' on today. it would have
been the first thing on my mind. and i would
have felt heavy about it.

ta da!
not today!
i must really have gotten this detached thing
down, i thought.

wouldn't it be nice to have this with a lotta
other things???

so what's the secret here?

well.......first secret is i prolly don't really
have it down. for now i do. nothing stays the same.
but i do think i'm well on my way.

i spent years and years and years....did i say
years?? tryin' to help, pulling my hair out in
frustration, thinking on it forever and crying
an awful lot.

i really felt i had some good answers. still think
i did.

thing is...they're good answers for me.
they work for me.

no one else is me.
everyone else needs their own answers.

i think i figured that out with this.
i mean for real.
in my bones kinda thing.

but i still don't have this detachment
in other areas of struggle in my life.
i still somewhere deep down think my answers
are the right ones, and other people really need to
just come to their senses.

laughin' here....

good luck with that one, ter.

so, what's the difference here? how come you
got it in one situation and not in another?

i want to say i got it kicked into me in this
situation. but truth is, it shoulda been kicked
into me in these others. there was definitely
kicking involved.

maybe i need something from the situations i
struggle with.

of course i do.
or there wouldn't be the struggle.

maybe i don't really need anything anymore.

maybe i'm just in the habit of thinking i need something.

that seriously feels way more right.
i'm just in the habit of thinking i need something.

and this morning.......for a moment here.....i can
see real clearly that i don't need anything from these
other situations.

what i do need is to have that insight sink on down into
my bones........

i'm feelin' happy, my bones are feelin' absorbent, who
knows, maybe i'll soak some of that up today....
one way or another....i'm feelin' good and i'm gonna
enjoy it!

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