Thursday, October 8, 2009

all part of the game.....

i got seriously bummed tonite.

in the back of my mind i had been wondering
about my walks.
and safety issues.

but i love those things.
and don't want to even consider giving them up.

then my neighbor called tonite.
she wanted to know where i walked.
she had stories for me to listen to and she
was concerned.

i hung up concerned too.

and actually for the first time ever really
seriously thinking of stopping them.

it felt too big to even consider.
they are my favorite part of the day and they are
what keeps me sane.
how can i stop them???

oh, there's alternatives.
i thought of walkin' up and down my street
20 times. that'd be nice and awkward.

bob suggested a neighborhood a minutes drive
from here. i'd leave the secluded tree/construction
site and some problems in my own neighborhood behind.
and maybe that'd be good.

drive to go walk, huh?


so i've moped.
and cried a little bit.
and got angry.
and whined.

and then i thought of patty and her letter about
what the women and children go thru that she's helping.

big sigh.

this matters to me.
it's a big deal to me.
it's a piece of my sanity.

but it's not like i'm not creative.
i can adapt.
i can figure this out.

i think i need to be a big girl......listen to what my gut
is telling me....and adapt.

i don't like adapting.
and i don't think i'd adapt all that well tonite
if patty hadn't been on my mind so much lately.

shoot. i think of what she handles.
this is a wee bit embarrassing.
okay....a lot embarrassing.
i think i can handle this.

and so........i need to spend the next few days rethinking
how to keep my sanity.

i wasn't gonna walk tomorrow anyway. or monday.
so that gives me all that time to come up with a new plan.

part of me says this sucks so bad i don't even want to
think about it.
part of me says, suck it up ter and adapt. it'll be good.

who knew???
when the sky was playing with me today.....
and asked me to play....
this is all part of the game......

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