Thursday, October 1, 2009

catching day break

i was determined.
not gonna miss day break today.
i so so so want to see it.

stepped out on my porch to scan
the situation.....

afraid to miss it, i popped on my
shoes and my black jacket.

black, ter?
really ter??
you're gonna get hit by a car...
yeah, but i'll also be one with
the darkness.

you're a weirdo.

and off i went.

it was dark.
the stars were out.
besides traffic noises which you can
forever hear at my place, all that you
could hear were the insects.

i walked fast.
really fast.
kept my eyes to the sky.

when a car would come i would step way
off the road. they get way too close
when it's light out.

i would step off the road and look behind
me at the sky behind me.

not wanting to miss any of it.

i was wired.
at first i thought i was just excited to
be lookin' for day break.
it was an adventure.
i never walk in the dark.
and i'm searchin' for day break.

i noticed the fast pace.
the eyes to the sky.

felt this feeling of just wanting to
be one with the sky.

and then i knew.

i was tryin' to run right on into it.

i was tryin' to get there...inside there...
so it could hold me.

i thought of that line from some goddess music
song i used to listen to....

'the sky is like a lover to whom you've always
belonged, whose arms hold all the secrets of
which you've always longed.'

yeah...i thought.........yeah......

and when i realized i was tryin' to run into
the sky, i slowed.

the tears came.

and my question from last nite came roaring thru
my head. 'how do you say goodbye?'
(see post below)

the tears kept coming, i kept walkin'. and the
sky kept lightening.

it wasn't the magnificent purple/pink/blue/lavendar/
orange/drop over colors of magic that came up
this morning over here.

it was mellow. calm. ordinary. (if you can ever
call the sky ordinary)

as i walked back, it was the birds i heard singing.
not the insects any more.

it was light.

day was here.

i came home with no answers.
just live, ter.
and offer all that you have.

i bent over to turn the hose on. was gonna water
my trees. i watched my hand reach for the knob
and turn it.

and i thought of gratitude.

my hands work. i can bend to reach this.
i am here to water my trees.
the birds are singing to me.
and i have friends i love with all of my heart.

just live ter.
and offer all that you have.
and be grateful for the moments you have.
be grateful for the moments you have with the
friends you have.
love with all of your heart.